I am tired.
I am tired of feeling frightened, anxious, on alert when I leave my home.
I am tired of being watched, invaded, engaged by men who invade my space, look me up and down, and make sexual comments to me in the guise of a “compliment”.
I am tired of the misogynistic names/terms/labels.
I am tired of women being categorised as “girls, ladies, spinsters, sluts, whores, slags, prick-teasers, frigid, nymphos, Lolitas, Ice Queens”.
I am tired of playing defence – of protecting my physical and mental safety against the ever-present demands of men.
I am tired of justifying my need for privacy by men who push, who demand, who NEED to know/feel/see more than I am prepared to give.
I am tired of hearing internalised misogyny from women – who blame women for their experiences of male violence.
I am tired of seeing these women bend and shape themselves into the role that men expect from them, whilst harming their sisters.
I am tired of the endless coverage given to misogynists, rapists, rape deniers and apologists.
I am tired of the click bait mentality in the media – when did morality become extinct? Why is she a “slut”? How did she “provoke” him? WHY are you giving airspace to this abuse?
I am tired of hearing and seeing so many stories about male violence.
I am tired of knowing that so many of the women in my life have experienced abuse, rape, domestic violence, harassment, stalking, ritual abuse and child sexual abuse.
I am tired of explaining that the men that raped and abused me did so because they wanted to and that it was not my fault.
I am tired of reminding myself that I am not to blame for male violence: I wasn’t as a child and I am not as an adult.
I am tired of the blame, shame, humiliation, degradation, loathing, sneering, abuse and hatred that survivors of male violence experience.
I am tired of the many ways in which we internalise this harm.
I am tired.
I am tired of seeing no end to victim blaming, rape culture, sexualisation and male violence.
Patriarchy, I am tired.